The Recovery

Well...

It seems like I am doing better these days. The sting of the end of my relationship still lingers but it is not nearly as painful as it was about 3 weeks ago. Feels good to be single again (where I probably should have stayed in the beginning...but everything happens for a reason).

In trying to move forward I am really wondering if I am at all even capable of being in a relationship. I just know that recently I have had a physical urge...an urge to lay with someone...An urge to have unapologetic, hot, steamy, sweaty, agressive sex...Perhaps that is a result of the dreaded "rebound syndrome"...who knows. But you know what they say...The easier way to get OVER someone is to get UNDER someone else.

Maybe I'll try it...maybe not. Depends on where my conscience is.

But I am accepting applications once again. The admissions process has been overhauled and revised...The standards are much higher. So apply if you really think you have got a shot. I will not be taking any more "chances" with anyone.

I also had the unfortunate pleasure of having gossip come back to me regarding my sexuality...And ironically it ain't from straight people either. I mean...My closest friends and my mother all know...and once that happened (both voluntarily and accidentally) I made a vow that it really was nobody elses business...I am comfortable in my skin...who I choose to love is MY choice...why are people so concerned?

It's really been burning me up over the weekend. Not necessarily the information that was divulged (to people I supervise mind you) but rather, the outright catty and gossipy nature of some of our Same Gender Loving brothas. To be fair, I actually think straight men are more catty and gossipy than we will all give them credit for...so don't think I am falling into a rampant stereotype about homosexual men...But the fact remains that some of my brethren act as if they were beamed straight out of an episode of "Girlfriends." It truly is frustrating because I think we can all be so much more "loving" towards one another...I guess this is one of the reasons why I have not EVER really been able to connect on a friendship level with too many gay men and the women that I am REALLY good friends with are more domineering, straightforward, and NON catty...In other words--they stay out of DRAMA.

But it is definitely alright...You have to cut the grass to figure out where the snakes are.

And quite frankly I think many dudes spend endless hours trying to figure out your sexuality because they want to fuck you or get fucked by you THEMSELVES.

We really gotta do better by each other.

Peaceloveandeternity,

Q