Blog-oversary

It was approximately a year ago that I decided to take this journey...this journey would be defined by sharing my most innermost thoughts and emotions with an audience. I can say that this blog has been the most theraputic elements in my life to come along in a long time. I don't have many people to talk to...as a matter of fact, I don't trust many people with the facts of my life..so many will abuse the power of knowledge that you have given them...so I shut it down. But when it comes to this blog, I feel a sense of security by it's quasi-anonomous nature. Very few people KNOW me and therefore a judgement informed (or perhaps ill informed) by the context of my real life is hard to come by..you all just know what I choose to share...and most of the feedback is of a positive nature. I know I have not been blogging much recently but I am not in the business of forcing a blog entry these days. It has to happen naturally. When life "happens" to me you will know. Perhaps life has not been "happening" to me as much as it can at this moment...but seasons change and I hope to celebrate another year here (on August 2nd it will be my 25th..YAY!). So for everyone who has taken an interest (however minor) in the happenings of my life I say THANK YOU and KEEP READING!

Anyways, I got back from Orlando last saturday after spending Memorial Day weekend and the following week there with HartfordLady, her two daughters, her son, and her granddaughter. I had never been to Disney before so that was kewl. We even took some timeshare tours to get discounted tickets to Universal Studios and Disney. The moment of the trip is when I had to pretend to be engaged to HartfordLady's daughter so that we could get the Universal tickets. I was 24 (which I am) and she was 22 (she is really 18). We definitely had to use some acting skills there. But we got 6 tickets for 194 dollars as opposed to nearly 400 dollars. It was rough when the guys dropped the overall price of the timeshare 11,000 dollars for us and the monthly peyments went dramatically down but luckily I had my future wife there to remind me that we were saving for our wedding...lol...But it makes me think that if they can drop the price so dramatically that it was never that expensive in the first place. Whenever I buy a car I need someone to accompany me.

But anyways, we got some sun and I got a tan (it was wickedly hot) and I got the much needed rest and relaxation that I needed. It is just me or did every homosexual go to Miami. I was tellin people I was goin to FL for a week and the first respone was "Miami?" I needed a break from the drama of homosexual events...Orlando was cool. I would not mind returning. As for the remainder of the summer, I am looking to take another vacation around the 4th of July maybe... or maybe Vegas for my birthday in August. Who knows....I am enjoying my newfound freedom. Shit I got the money, the time, and no commitments to anyone..why NOT go. Life is way too short.

As for my health... the recovery has been slow but I am getting better....The doctor told me what I was feeling would. He said to give it one to two weeks. This is week five and I have not gone back to the doctor becuse things are improving...I figured that I have abused my body for over a year now...why would it improve quickly and dramatically?? These things take time. But I REALLY feel like I am getting back to my old self and that is positive...

I was inspired by my life and times to write this piece..I dont know how it will be recieved but oh well...here it goes

I Know (The Color of Lonely)
By: HX

I was born between
Urine and feces mistakingly.
Daddy's heartache and
Mother's joy.
4th Child blessed with vision
and destined
to be broken---
I am a constant pursuer of love
so constant
that I drown myself in the joy
of its elusivness.

I know the color of lonely---
It's all over me

My present standing
is the offspring
of consequence
and my smiles
go un-noticed
because each and every one
is preceded by a frown---
and sometimes I love being down
because in my loyalty
to my own self
it gives me a reason to complain
and when I awake from the tearstorm--
I remain.

I know the color of lonely---
It's all over me.

And still I remain...