Come to Jesus

I feel compelled to explain my extended absence from bloggerland….in the past two weeks I have suffered through a tough period in my life..I had to come to terms with actions over the last year that have been detrimental to my physical and spiritual health and growth. What I was calling fun finally caught up with me….and I learned that it actually was not fun but rather…ABUSE.

Put the blame squarely where it needs to be..ON ME! When you have been running from the real issue(s) for so long it will catch up to you in its many incarnations….

You will be reduced to a state of infancy if you refuse to acknowledge the truth. And the truth is that my behavior was medication for what was really ailing me…How can I expect someone else to love me when I am not moving and acting in love myself?

I really believe that that is why God has kept me alone so long…because I have not yet dealt with what I need to deal with and I cannot be of any use to anyone else…The baggage of yesterday is at times too heavy to carry along and so I try to clear my mind…

And in the process is destruction…

But a wise one told me that I am protected and have been for sometime now…even when I didn’t know it….I wonder why I have been protected in the midst of the destruction…..the destruction of self and the destruction of others…

Those things will have you wondering for an eternity…What I do know is that the way I was living before is NOT what life is supposed to be.

This is beyond tears…

This is beyond the pain….I am learning how to live better….

And I want to know…finally.