Monday, October 31, 2005

Weekend Recaps & Stuff


Given what I have gone through in the last 6 months I promised myself that once I got back on my feet I was going to have a night out on the town..(NYC to be exact)...and so this past Friday the eventful day was upon me.

I took the day off from work. Did a little shopping, got geared up, got myself some drinks for the ride (*tee hee*) and headed to the Big Apple to meet up with some old friends (one in particular that I dated some years ago, fell out of touch and favor with, and with whom I had recently become reaquainted). It was him, his brother, a friend, and his significant other.

After about 45 minutes of waiting outside BBQ's (in sonewhat of a chilly cold) on 23rd & 8th the crew finally appeared and we were seated. I had been having a craving for BBQ's for the last 2 months so to finally have it was a wonderful feeling. We ate, drank, laughed and enjoyed ourselves. I did notice right from the beginning that my friend's boyfriend was being waaay anti-social...perhaps since an old FLAME was there (and looking ON POINT might I add) it made him a tad bit uncomfortable. But I did what I could to engage him in conversation at the dinner table and eventually things loosened up and folks were having a good time...

After dinner we all decided to head to The Octagon. It was an interesting time seeing as I had not been there since they reopened. So we made it there and it was not NEARLY as crowded and poppin as it used to be..BUT...when you have enough drinks in you and the music is right (which it was) anyplace can SEEM packed. And to be fair, there WERE some cute ones scattered through. So I did my thing...drink in hand...doin my two step (and occasional full out DANCE when the right song came on) and surveying the crowd. In usual NYC fashion many eyes crept in my direction but of course no one spoke...It's crazy when you know that they WANT to speak but dont. This is why I don't pay any ONE person any kind of special I digress...

So it got later into the night and things were winding down...We all figure that it's time to go so we head out. As I am walking down the block a young man pulls me by the arm and starts his "game."

"Yeah, I saw you lookin at me all I figured you wanted to say somethin."

LOL @ that. Well to be fair he did cross my plane of vision. But he was nothing to stare at. I saw him a couple of times and kept it movin. But I entertained him and he kept walking beside me (leaving his peoples might I add). Meanwhile, MY peoples were far ahead of me in the parking lot and when we caught up to them what do I see? My boy and his man havin an INTENSE argument. I mean dude (the boyfriend) was screaming, yelling, pulling at him, cursing at him....He was talkin to him like he was not even a human being...That is the shit I ABHOR...So I politely told his other friend that I was out and that I would speak to everyone later. I just had to remove myself from what I was seeing. The day a nigga EVER speaks to me like that is the day I check someone's chin..FOR REAL..(and I have never been in a fight before..but it ain't too late to start)...

So dude and I continued on to McDonald's in Times Square to grab a bite to eat. Since we were NOW in good lighting I finally got a GOOD look at him and I was like OH HELL NO!!!...All the cute ones that were out and about and instead of catching SALMON I get a TROUT..*sighs*..But he was a nice guy so we did the number exchange thing. He's called twice but I don't think I am interested. One man's trash is another man's treasure...I aint callin the kid trash...but he certainly is not the treasure that I seek...So I roll on. All in all I still felt good about the situation. I know what I want...And I am no longer willing to settle for less.

THEN on Sunday night I went to Six Flags (New England) Fright Fest...Went through the haunted forest with a Gatorade Bottle filled with Grey Goose and cranberry juice. So the slight drunkeness not only kept me warm but made the forest even that more entertaining..It was GOOD TIMES indeed (although I felt like a couple of the Monsters were giving me "googly eyes"...well on a previous visit one of the Frankensteins gave me the "I-want-your-face-in-my-monster-mash"-pouty lips/rigid eye stare combination that only GAY folks know how to do)..

Needless to was a VERY enjoyable weekend. It feels good to be able to return to some kind of normalcy...

But one thing remains constant...No matter HOW long you stay away, the boys and the bullshit are always the same. I woke up this morning, brushed my shoulders off, kissed the mirror twice, and thanked GOD that I have something to wake up TO and FOR.

Living in an OPTIONAL condition. CHOOSE LIFE!!!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

"Cycles (Evolution)"

Cycles (Evolution)

By: HX


Your Love
Turned my water in2 Wine--
Intoxicated the grapes
and the vine--
Transcended energy
Preceded time


Your Love
Is the sweetest ironic device--
It's counterclockwise
the boiling point of ice


Your Love
The Love that will not love me--
Selfishly divine in it's
epicenter of sin--
Don't be surprised
If I am
the end 2
your beginning
in the end...

Monday, October 24, 2005

Random Thoughts on a MONDAY

Let's see what's running through my mind....

---Is it ME or is anybody else thinking that the only reason the NBA is pushing this new dress code is to repair it's reputation with MIDDLE-CLASS, WHITE America after the disasterous fight between the Detriot Pistons and Indiana Pacers last season? The fact is that URBAN America and the experience of BLACKNESS in it has produced these incredibly talented young players and to attempt to change the prevailing aesthetic to appease the so-called "better/more civilized taste" of white folks is HIGHLY PROBLEMATIC. And don't give me the argument that "normal" people have to dress up in a corporate emvironment. These aren't people with NORMAL JOBS. I think as long as they are neat and presentable they should be able to wear whatever they want.

--The album "Sign O' The Times" represents Prince's GREATEST musical moment and artistic peak. This is the album that initiated my love affair with music and changed my life. If you have never heard this masterwork you ought to commit yourself to buying it and listening. I will be posting about it VERY soon.

--I don't get the minor hype about Keyshia Cole. She's got a cute voice for um...The shower..but on record? I think not. NEXT!

--South Park is BRILLIANT. all I have to say is Michael "Jefferson."

--Speaking of Comedy Central, "The Boondocks" will be premiering in about 2 weeks time. I know I will be GLUED to the television for that one. Also, you should check out "The Colbert Report." Good Shit.

--Payday is this Friday and I definitely will be steppin out on the town (NYC). It's been about 5 months since I been out so I am going to enjoy every moment. The kid is BACK!!

--I was an attendee at the "Million Family March" in 2001. While it was positive seeing so many of my people gathered together peacefully, it seems that nothing came out of the event except the requisite "ego stroking" of our so-called leaders and empty promises from those on the stage AND in the audience. Why do I feel the same sentiment about the most recent "gathering" of our people? What if there were speakers that asked Rev. Wilson about his past homphobic comments? or what if someone asked the good Minister Farrakhan about who killed Brother Malcolm? It's time for "us" to clean out the skeletons out of our political closets. I agree with many of the messages that were communicated at the event. It's my suspicion(s) of the ulterior motivations of the MESSENGERS that continue to keep me critical of it all.

--Am I the only one who is a MAJOR wrestling fan? Ever since I was a youngin I have LOVED it. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know it's fake. SO FUCKIN' WHAT!!! I am still in front of the television every Monday night at 9. My favorite wrestler of all time you ask. Of course, RIC FLAIR!! Nobody beats "The Nature Boy." WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

--I been playing the hell out of Hall & Oates recently. "Your Imagination" is that FIREEEEEE!!!

--Maybe I'm crazy but it seems like we went striaght from summer to winter. For all of us in the Northeastern Corridor....expect to be in a WINTER WONDERLAND this go round. Not looking forward to it.

Alright...I have exhausted my randomness so I will stop here.



Thursday, October 20, 2005

I'm Still Standing....


What a stretch of 5 months it has been for me...

Let's rewind shall we?

It's The last week of May. I am recieving what appears to be my LAST paycheck. Up to that point I can say I had truly been blessed. To be able to stay at my alma mater after my graduation and work in a position that was created for me by the PRESIDENT of the College...Doing the things that I love doing...mentoring younger students of color...programming...and being an activist. I managed to squeeze TWO years out of a supposed ONE-YEAR appointment. But it was seemingly over. The budget crisis hit us at the college hard and my position wouldn't be renewed. I would lose the roof over my head and the money in my pocket.

In preparation for this I applied to graduate school. Foolishly I took some bad advice and applied directly to Ph.D programs (without a Master's Degree). 5 applications and 5 rejections later my Plan B was down the toilet.

So I hit the cyber-pavement and the REAL pavement in search of a job. But the rejections came in one after the other.

May turned into June which turned into July and August. My fridge got emptier and emptier. I got hungrier and hungrier. I was rolling pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters to come up with the cash to simply buy some frozen french fries to eat and soap to wash with. I tried to keep smiling but when you are hungry it's hard.

My spirit and body were breaking down in syncronicity. I really began to feel as if I was being punished for my penchant towards procrastination. It was a spiritual Katrina. My reality was beginning to be washed away by a sea of negativity and indifference. And seemingly all I could do is sit and watch as it got worse and worse.

Every door I tried to walk through was slammed shut in my face.

Battered, bruised, and BROKE I continued to explore my options until, quite unbelievably, something positive came to pass...One of my co-works/friends was leaving to accept another position at another school and "I" would be his replacement.

What did that mean?

It meant TWICE the pay...

It meant double the apartment size (2 Bedroom)..

It meant that I had another chance to get it right.

So I'm here today in my office typing this entry...TIRED as hell...but a week away from the first money I will have seen in nearly 6 months. My body is still broken down from the lack of a PROPER diet. I am 5 to 10 pounds lighter because of it (which for a skinny brother like me is not good)..My energy level is extremely low..BUT...

I'm still standing and I thank the MOST HIGH everyday for the mental power s/he has bestowed upon me to continue walking, breathing, and being.

I had to be stripped of my pretentiousness and my pride before I could be receptive to what the real message was; That no one is immune from the tides of life...There can be no great gains without equally great losses. And the true lesson is not in the ENDS but, in fact, is in the MEANS.

I am humbled...

I am gracious...

I have newly evolved to a different stage of human-ness.

And tho I may have been a primary conspirator--however conscious or unconsciously--to my downfall, s/he who knew me before I knew myself would not concede to the plot.

I'm still standing and it's a beautiful feeling.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

On a Lighter Note.....

Hello All....Expect my thoughts on the "Millions More Movement" later this week...What I will say now is "what a hypocritical mess"....

BUT ON A LIGHTER NOTE...Check this clip out...This has to be quite possibly the FUNNIEST thing I have ever seen...

All I will say is





Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Dear Mr. Preacher

"Dear Mr. Preacher"

By: HX

Dear Mr. Preacher,

In your pews
there are faggots
that you refuse
to see...

They stay
and pray
in spite of
bearing witness to
what passionate bedfellows
Hell make..

They pray--
scorned in the flesh
then burned at the stake.

Sunday, October 09, 2005


Freedom: As described by Eastons Bible Dictionary

The law of Moses pointed out the cases in which the servants of the Hebrews were to receive their freedom (Ex. 21:2-4, 7, 8; Lev. 25:39-42, 47-55; Deut.15:12-18). Under the Roman law the "freeman" (ingenuus) was one born free; the"freedman" (libertinus) was a manumitted slave, and had not equal rights with the freeman (Acts 22:28; comp. Acts 16:37-39; 21:39; 22:25; 25:11, 12).
Source: Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary

Let us remember in this day and age...In America...which some would describe as the NEW Rome...That the word "Freedom" has little to nothing to do with equality and justice.

Upon the declaration of the Emancipation Proclamation enslaved American Africans became "Freedmen;"

We live today free in body but still suffering the vast inequities that are a legacy of de jure segregation (Jim Crow)...Some politicians would say it is not the job of government to interrupt your life on a personal level; America's greatness is in this FREEDOM to be un-touched by government. REALLY?

Shouldn't there be an interruption for the millions living in poverty?

What about the millions who can't read or write and are destined to live in poverty because they do not and will not have suitable access to a quality education that will prepare them to be competitive in the "market"?

What about the hundreds of thousands of black and brown faces in our correction system who are NOT being rehabilitated/corrected? The vast majority of them being incarcerated for non-violent drug offenses. I am sure many would say they had the FREEDOM to choose another way to make it in life. But what happens when you live in a system that has unfairly and severely reduced the amount of options one can choose? It makes it that much easier to choose the WRONG one.

This concept of FREEDOM as the American economic/political machine has shaped it to be is perverse and damn near criminal...

Freedom without the "checks" of equality and justice is simply another tool that the Ruling Class in this country use to justify their continued exploitation and oppression of the masses; be them black or white, gay or straight, male or female...
So you should understand this point when George Bush and his corporate millitia are throwing around the word "Freedom."

Until there is true equity and justice for all persons there truly is no FREEDOM. Don't be fooled!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Moving In & The Consistency Pains's official..I've moved into my apartment...A nice little semi-spacious two bedroom abode.

Me and my good friend/co-worker HartfordLady left the office at around 3:30 yesterday and hightailed it across campus here to pick up my stuff. I had to deal with two hours of her screaming at me because of the way I was packed. In true MALE fashion nothing was quite organized. My claim to fame is using old shoeboxes to move some items...HartfordLady warned me..

"I'm not moving no fuckin' shoeboxes"

Needless to say my complete ignoring of that statement and her love for me made her move them anyway.

We got a hell of a workout too since the new place is on the THIRD floor of a three family house. Nothing like some old skool wooden steps to make you feel the burn. She almost collapsed and I was one big ball of sweat in my pink Kenneth Cole shirt (that I bought at Marshalls by the way...act like you know). So we eventually got all my shit up there and she took off and I was left to piece together this vast puzzle of an apartment. Had to move the dining room table into the kitchen but it wouldn't fit through the door...SOOO..I had to take it apart and move it. Had to move a couch from the bedroom to the dining room area. It wouldn't fit through the door..SOO..I had to take the legs off. Then unpack everything...clothes, kitchenware, miscellaneous items...THEN set up the bedroom and do laundry. When I finally laid my head to the pillow in my bed it was 3:30 a.m. LOTS of work...But I am still blessed to have what I have..

Now if I could only get some meaningful company over to help me christen these rooms then it would all be complete...soon enough...Until that "meaningful" person comes along I have taken a vow of psuedo-celibacy...That means that just like in the NFL my celibacy can be "under review" after I take a look at the "instant replay" of the situation.... (does masturbation count if you are celibate?)...But anyways...Life goes on..

Then there are the Boys (sometimes called men)...

They say they are gonna call...but they don't...

They say they want to settle down into something real...but they won't...

They say they are mature but yet are satisfied with their ignorance...

I am no longer willing to consistently put myself through the ringer for people who cannot and will not consistenly confront themselves in an effort to be better than they were yesterday...

I have learned that if you want to know how someone will TREAT you you need to take a REAL good look at how they treat themselves...

So he's got a nice face...a nice body...a big dick...deep pockets...a nice car...a nice degree(s)...

But in what condition is his soul?

To be materially successful when your soul is still in shackles is like driving a car with no brakes..
So knowing I've saved myself from being a passenger in that car time and time again makes "psuedo-celibacy" even sweeter than any orgasm..

Get in the habit of consistently questioning and saving yourself before you ask someone to take that ride with you..