Random Thoughts on a Saturday...

Happy Saturday all.....

Here are some random thoughts from yours truly....

--In the spirit of this whole Stem Cell research debate....Isn't being an EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN and a POLITICIAN a conflict of interest...I mean ONE vows not to LIE and the other MUST lie...

--In the spirit of brotherhood I must say this...I read so many people's blogs and there are a couple that stand out because of the absolutely UNBELIVABLE behaviors that these folks admit to. I am the LAST person to judge but it bothers me a tad when fellow bloggers co-sign onto such behaviors that may be detrimental to one's existence..I aint sayin we have to write scathing diatribes in response, but shouldn't we be giving folks encouraging words so that they may consider some alternatives to their risky behavior? Maybe I am wrong...

--Piggybacking on the previous statement I am proud to say that I avoided a situation last night that may have turned into a "late-night-booty-call-disguised-as-a-chill-session." When someone contacts you at 2 in the mornin and asks "Do you wanna chill" it's only for ONE reason...NOT ON MY WATCH BUDDY!!

--So we've gone from the "WAR ON TERROR" to the "STRUGGLE AGAINST EXTREMISM"?
Funny how the BUSH administration decides to change the marketing strategy for this war. Same WAR...Same bullshit...Different name. If we really are going to struggle against extremists shouldn't we be starting in Washington? Is there anything more extreme than concocting a false premise for war (Sadaam is a threat because he's got access to Uranium in Africa which will help complete his WMD development program), then changing the premise of the war once people find out you've lied (We are going to liberate the Iraqi people from an EVIL dictator...who, coincentally VP Cheney and Secretary Rumsfeld had congenial relations with during the Reagan Administration), then exhausing all of our military resources (including the National Guard who are supposed to be guarding the homeland) so that we can rebuild Iraq and make trillions of dollars off of them and their puppet govenment; all while unethically extending soldiers tours of duty and cutting combat pay (we call that a BACKDOOR DRAFT)...All this so we can control the contracts and the OIL in the region...So shouldn't we RE-DEFINE what extreme is?

--The job situation is looking a bit more hopeful...I have some strong possibilities coming up this week...SOMETHING needs to bite soon...Because I cannot live this way too much longer...But a wise person once told me that things happen for a reason and in a season. So I am staying faithful to the most high and praying that s/he places me in the right situation..

--IT SUCKS AZZ to be broke and in the house on your birthday weekend (My actual birthday is on TUESDAY)...I have NEVER had an enjoyable birthday...It will change in a years time. I am going all out for my 25th.

--Hell's Kitchen is the GREATEST Reality show I have ever seen. Better than survivor...Better than the REAL WORLD...Better than AMERICAN IDOL...And I am of the opinion that most of these shows are bullshit...But Hell's Kitchen does it for me. There is a Gordon Ramsey in all of us...

Aiight...

That is all I got for now...

PeaceLoveandEternity...

Q

Love

Considering the stagnant nature of all aspects of my existence these days, my life has been reduced to a series of abstract thoughts/meditations...Here is my contribution for the day..

"Love"

Love
Is a feeling
that is
a destination

Some of us are there
Some of us have been
Some of us have arrived and left
Some of us will return again

Living means
we all have the potential
to be on our way...

The challenge
lies
in which road
you choose to travel...

PeaceLoveandEternity

Quaheem

A Post for Black Men Who Need To Cry

My brothas....

We've been fooled into believing that we should take the weight of the world on our shoulders without grief...

We had to endure the raping or our women during and after slavery and the dismemberment of our families and simply stand by and say nothing...

Jim Crow made us submit publicy to the constant humiliation of time and again having our manhood stripped away from us..Whether we were 10 or 100 we were always a "boy."

Civil Rights came and a new tomorrow was promised...We went from the plantation to corporate America only to find out that racism disguises itself quite effectively...

Those of us who haven't been as fortunate to make it up the ladder still have to endure the awkward stares if we walk into the wrong store...or the clutched purses of white women who simultaneously LOVE your stereotypical mandingo-ness but FEAR you because though you have a BIG BLACK DICK your BLACKNESS makes you predisposed toward the criminal element...

And when we get home from wherever life has lead us that day...battered and bruised AGAIN we simply lay our heads on our pillows, suck it up, and get back out there...

We've been taught that being emotional is a sign of weakness and detrimental to our survival...So after we run out of cheeks to turn we take all of our bottled up rage and unleash it on ourselves...our wives...our boyfriends...our children...our communities...When perhaps all we needed to do for a moment was stop and cry...

Weep for yourself...For all the times you wished that SOMEONE had the compassion and the heart to weep for you...

Weep for every cab that passed you as if you were invisibile..Weep for every person that said you COULD NOT, SHOULD NOT, and WOULD NOT be who are...Weep for every time your anger has been dismissed as simply an unfounded culturally ill-formed complaint...Weep for every mother who's had to see her son or sons destroyed by that anger...Weep for every son, father, brother, uncle, nephew, grandfather, godfather, and step-son who HAS been destroyed by this anger...

Brothas...if we don't cry for anything else...we must CRY to save our own lives..

In many of us lies a tearstorm...if we don't find ways to let the grief go it will ultimately destroy us...

Without this release I truly believe there can be NO peace...

PEACEloveandeternity...

Q

If We...

If We do not give to the world

the talents and blessings

that God has been so gracious to give to US

then we are

doing nothing more

than committing

spiritual

suicide...

A Message to All Potential Applicants for Companionship with Quaheem & Other Miscellaneous thoughts..

In this day and age everyone is so quick to jump into a "companionship" situation with someone without necessarily informing the involved party of the things that must be in place before the "relationship" can proceed into BLISS....

So for the sake of openess here are 7 things that an interested party should know about what I demand: (In no particular order)

(1) This person must be pursuing some kind of tangible goal (preferabley educational, but this is negoitable)...Nothin more UNATTRACTIVE than someone sitting on their ass all day "wondering" instead of doing...GET UP, GET OUT, and DO SOMETHING!!!

(2) This person must, and I repeat, MUST have good hygene. One's body is not a DIFFICULT thing to maintain properly. BRUSH your teeth...WASH your body...CLEAN your fingernails...Keep your HAIR cut...IRON your clothes..USE DEODORANT!!!! It's not hard!!

(3) You must have some kind of spiritual grounding. I didn't say RELIGIOUS (as in religion as a social institution) but SPIRITUAL. Do you believe that there is a creator? Do you believe that there are forces in the universe that transcend our human reality and can positively effect that reality? As open minded as I am I don't think I could wake up next to an Atheiest every morning and get the spiritual nourishment that I desire from a mate...(But I certainly respect their right to believe what they do)

(4) Consistency...Show up when you say you are going to show up. Call when you say you are going to call. KEEP YOUR WORD...Consistency is a a prime predictor of a person's dedication to someone or something....If you can be dedicated...then maybe I can TRUST you...

(5) Must have some reasonable informed cultural and political views. If I talk to you about the War in Iraq and cannot get the same level of awareness and excitement out of you as I do when we talk about Ciara's new video on BET then that is a problem...

(6) If you think being on the "DL" means that you have to be outrightly paranoid and quasi-schizophrenic about any and everything that either IS homosexual or is characterized as homosexual then you need to do some work on yourself before you come see me....CALM DOWN...there is a comfortable seat in the closet for you.

(7) If at this point in your life you cannot fit the word "monogamy" into your vocabulary...Quaheem ain't the one for you...I DON'T SHARE!

And a couple of items on a miscellaneous note:

--This humidy needs to stop....besides not having air conditioning..the heat makes me horny...since I am single and horny it makes me a tad bit annoyed..So to all the people who have gotten then less friendlier side of me I apologize...chalk it up to heat + hormones...

--I am feeling this haircut I got...I tried somethin new...a low fade...Besides makin me look older I do think it makes my head look even BIGGER (I can only wear size 8 fitted hats)...

--Thank you to my buddy from DC who has been a constant positive source of energy. Thank you also for the Birthday invitation to Martha's Vineyard...Sorry I couldn't accept..and I told you why...Let's aim for the same time next year...no matter where we are...I should be doing much better than I am currently...*winks*

--And yes, my birthday is approaching..August 2nd...This will be my 24th year on God's wonderfully chaotic project called EARTH. So all types of gifts will be considered and accepted...*smiles*...

PeaceLoveandEternity...

Quaheem

The Mis-Education of the Negro...CONTINUED

So...

I am having a conversation with someone via telephone about 2 nights ago....And he proceeds to ask me the following question;

"Do you ever speak 'Ghetto' or 'Hood'?"

And so of course that question pissed me the fuck off. I asked him what the hell he meant by that. And he was like,

"Don't take it personal, I ask my hood friends if they can speak proper english."

I had to laugh...But then I proceeded to inform him just how ill-informed and ignorant his statement(s) were...

I mean, I understand that SOCIOLOGICAL reasons why someone would ask me that question but it does not make it any less ignorant. There is and should not be some litmus test for proving the authenticity of one's blackness...In his estimation, because I have (relative to some folks who are from where I am from) a slightly more extensive vocabulary means that I have no connection to the reality or the struggle of Black people living in our increasingly BLIGHTED Urban landscape...It's BULLSHIT...

We as a people need to stop measuring our success and worth against a white standard. There is beauty in the proper speaking of English and also in the colloquial version that is spoken in Urban America....Neither one is superior than the other...

We also need to recognize that Black America is not a monolith...We come in many different shapes, sizes, classes, sexualities, and political affiliations...We all should be bound together by an understanding of a shared history of struggle (and not only in America). We can appreciate our ethnic differences while being congnitive of the fact that BLACKNESS was, is, and seemingly will always be under attack in our world community...Whether it's AIDS and poverty in Africa, police brutality in Bed-Stuy, or Chinese women performing faux-rap in blackface...The world has continually let BLACK people know that they still view us as niggers. Nothing more and certainly nothing less...Let me pause and say that KNOWING this doesn't mean accepting your NIGGERDOM as a personal characteristic...But we must know what attitudes have infiltrated and corrupted the minds of the powerful and the decision makers and how those corrupted and twisted views of reality affect the impressionable minds of the people (especially poor people who are looking for someone or something to blame their condition on).

This whole "talking too white" phenomenon is just another way to further divide and conquer a people who could, in their collective unity, stirke a mighty blow to THE SYSTEM.

Let's not be satisfied living in ignorance...

Let's get higher together...

PeaceLoveandEternity

Q

A Hot Shower and an Old Friend...

Greetings folks...

As you can recall..a couple of posts back I discussed my issues with SEX and my incident with HARTFORDGUY...And I came to the conclusion that I was just not set out for casual, un-emotional sexual escapades...Well...I neglected to inform the faithful readers of what happened the VERY next day unexpectedly... So I am just sitting in my apartment in front of my laptop and I get an instant message from a certain gentleman that I have had on and off dealings with here in Hartford...We'll call him CTATL. Let's flashback a couple of months shall we....

*****flashback*****

So I am in BP Chat just chilling and being entertained by the ignorance and a certain someone from CT enters the chatroom. I check out his page and he looks alright. We eventually end up talking via the computer, then via telephone, and he decides to come over and chill. When he arrives I see that is OKAY...not necessarily my type (but I never get my type anyway) but workable. So we talk for a lil bit, things get a tad hot and heavy but it's kewl...the SHIT goes down (not the WHOLE shit but at least a good 3/8ths of the shit) and we talk some more after and he leaves...For the next 3 or 4 months our relationship proceeded along the lines of "friends-with-benefits." This was really the first time ever that I had been in a situation like this and not felt spiritually "dirty" for doing so...But I could tell around the third or fourth time that he was developing feeling for me that I wasn't. And I could begin to feel my guilt starting to seep through. When he would call most of the times I would avoid his phone calls (because I have the tendency to be manic at times). Finally I broke down and explained to him that I was going through some things and that I was sorry for ignoring him and blah, blah, blah...and I made a promise to him to be better...And at first things did get better. But eventually things slipped back into the same old cycle; he would come over late night, we'd fool around, he'd leave, I'd feel guilty and commence to ignoring him for days (sometimes weeks) at a time...So we fast forward to one fateful evening...

I'd been having homemade sour watermelon martinis by myself and chillin at my computer on a Saturday night..Just listening to some music and relaxing. At this point I had not spoken to CTATL in some weeks...So I decided to call and see how he was doing. He was at a comedy show when I rang and said he would call me back...Once he did call me back we made idle chit chat for about a minute and then he proceeded to say, "So is the only reason you call me is when you want something?" That statement infuriated me...He continued..."Yo, I'm comin' over, will I be able to park in the parking lot?" And I proceeded to inform him that I would NOT like for him to come over...I wasn't about to give that nigga the satisfaction of trying to make me look like I was simply using him. I kept saying, "Nah, go home...Don't come over here." But alas, he showed up and I let him in. The first thing I noticed is that he was insanely intoxicated. As he came thru the door he grabbed me and began kissing me frantically and passionately while whispering the phrase, "I missed you sooooooo much". Once he started kissing me it was a wrap. So as he started undressing next to my bed I sat up and watched him and then the MOST unbelievable thing happened...

He slapped me across my face 3 times and said..."Why do you do that?" "You said you were going to do better." "Why don't you call me?"

I swear to you....I sat on the end of the bed stunned and in utter disbelief at what just happened. The smacks did not hurt but it was the principle of the situation. As Charlie Murphy said so eloquently on "Chappelle's Show;" You don't smack another man. The only time men smacked men was in France when challenged to a duel...And even then somebody had to DIE at the end!!!!!!! CTATL is certainly lucky that I was not as intoxicated than he was because I would have beat his ass down to the white meat that night...But I played it cool. I told him to put his clothes back on and get the FUCK out. He proceeded to ask me why. And I just kept repeating it OVER and OVER again. Then he tried to guilt trip me by saying, "I was not sleeping with anyone else besides you. I really liked you and I always will." (FYI I was not sleeping with anyone else at the time either. I take em' one at a time). So he ultimately left and I cut off all communication with him. When I turn your page it's OVER!!...

***end of flashback***

So back to the present...it has been at least 3 months since I have seen or spoken to CTATL and all of a sudden I get an instant message from guess who!!?? Since I am at a point of serious reflection in my life I decided to be nice and respond to the IM. We get to talking and I tell him about my situation and he is telling me how he is about to move back down to ATL to finish up his masters degree. And he says that he wants to see me before he goes. To make an already long story shorter he ends up at my apartment that night, in my shower, with ME....All this happens and just 24 hours earlier I was feeling like the lack of passion in my personal life would never allow me to achieve an erection ever again... I feel a little bit like a hypocrite...But life teaches you to expect the unexpected.

I have forgiven CTATL for his little outburst and that made me feel good to let that go. I also told him as he entered my apartment that if he EVER pulled some shit like that again that I would kick his ass and that he was a millisecond away from getting seriously fucked up (as you can tell I don't bite my tongue). He giggled...I guess this negro doesn't understand HOW damn serious I am. So as he left my apartment the other night I asked him, "We are friends right?" and he looked at me and said, "Yeah." And that is all I needed to hear. My conscience felt clean and clear and I was able to look myself in the mirror the next morning.

I have decided that that night was the last time he and I will be intimate because I do know he harbors some serious feelings for me that I cannot reciprocate...So rather than get myself in a situation that could barrel out of control AGAIN I am just cutting the "friends-with-benefits" shit out...It just DOES NOT WORK...For me at least..

I am better than that and worth more...

PERIOD

Peaceloveandeternity,

Q

Kyle's Lamentation........

"Untitled (Kyle's Lamentation #2)"

By..HX..

Devestation
Iz my paradise
Midnite
Revelation-Eve
can't decieve
myself in2 believing
this lemon-coated, psuedo reality..
Love it seems
R The chains that bind
and in between
the red screams
lies the darkness...
This honey-brown
blackness
defined
by a humid chill
and a temporary thrill...
Physical ejaculation
while simultaneously experiencing
depeletion of soul power...
If u could
I would want u to
roll up my dilemma
and smoke it
so u could feel the high of nothingness
and then maybe
just maybe
as u were coming down
U would get the munchies for my love
instead of always being punch-drunk off of
the uncertainties
of the material world...
If 4 a moment
u could know
how it feels
the fuck forever
and never feel, touch, kiss, caress, undress, or impress
the sweetness
of happiness...
But instead
u know
and I know
the multiplicities
of despair
and the shit just aint fair
that starvation
happens on the inside and out...
That a longing
must feel like desperation
and that ur kisses
and my kisses
exist only temporarily...
Why can't life be a kiss,
so sweet,
succulent,
and true...
Yet I remain-motionless
in my devestation paradise
midnite
on revelation-eve
and my tounge cannot express
the fullness of satsifaction...
So my ultimate reaction
is
to blow a kiss to what has never been
and never
will be
and say
"fuck this!"

The "I WANT" Post

I Want....

I Want to be a muse....

I Want to finally become the person who I know I am....

I Want to love again without hesitation....

I Want to trust again without complication...

I Want to be a father and a better son....

I Want to finally stop dreaming and start being...

I Want to have sex under spiritual conditions...

I Want security beyond my locked doors at night...

I Want to be somebody's reason for smiling...

I Want to be a warrior in the battle against hatred...

All in all..I just want to be better than I was yesterday...

Random Thoughts Post..The Sequel

In the spirit of my first random thoughts post I decided to spit out some more of my ramblings....

(1) I think the G8 Summit to discuss debt relief and aid to Africa is quite compelling...Why you may ask? Aren't most of these nations in the G8 the very ones that through their colonial occupations are responsible for the blighted and poverty stricken condition of the African Continent as we speak? Great Britian, France, Spain....I mean come on...Is this not the APEX of arrogance and hypocricy? Sure the 50 billion in aid and the cancellation of the poorest African Nation's debts does help...But it does not and cannot return the millions of lives lost at the expense of colonialism and the culturally genocidal policies that these colonial powers forced upon the peoples of Africa. The media likes to characterize the now independent African nations as disorganized and disorderly and their leaders as corrupt. This, in some instances, may be true. But lets not forget who wrote the blueprint for corrupt governmental behavior...(and the irony is that many of these African leaders are either U.S. or European educated)...The U.S. or Europe could give two flying shits about the plight of Black Africans...All us Americans have to do is go into any HOOD in America and you can clearly see what they think about their domestic "niggers"...so let's not expect any great WORLD revolution around the AIDS/POVERTY epidemic in Africa...

(2) Along that same line of thinking, was I the only one who was a bit troubled by this whole idea of "Eliminating Poverty" in our lifetime that was being spewed at the LIVE 8 concerts? Unless people are planning a whole scale attack on lassiez-faire capitalism anytime soon I would venture to believe that poverty is here to stay. We are so busy, as usual, being paternalistic in the rest of the world that we've failed to see that we have a serious problem with poverty and AIDS right here in America. No we cannot and will not eliminate poverty in ANYBODY'S generation or lifetime because to REALLY make that happen the American Corporate Oligarchy would have to make some serious concessions that would not be in the interests of those who are at the very top of the social, political, and ECONOMIC ladder...In other words, the HAVES would have to give up what they HAVE and the privileges that come along with it..And that AINT happenin...BUT I do believe there are ways that we can begin to seriously attack and reduce poverty in this country...

(a) I strongly believe that the argument surrounding education in this country needs to be framed as a matter of NATIONAL DEFENSE. We need an educated populace. We need Universal, FREE, education from K through College. An educated people will be better equipped to compete in a job market that is becoming incresingly more stringent in it's educational qualifications.

(b) The equation is easy to me.... higher quality education = increased job opportunities = more suitable standard of living...When you don't educated people properly you subsequently do not give them the skills to compete in the market...and hence, other means of making MORE than simply a subsistence wage come into play i.e. the "UNDERGROUND" economy. We spend trillions of dollars on law enforcement when, in my estimation, the best way to keep citizens on the right side of the law is to educate them properly so that they can maximize their opportunities..politically, socially, and economically....

(3) In his poignant "Letter From Birmingham Jail" Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. spoke particularly about the 4 steps that lead to a non-violent, driect-action-style protest...Those steps are..

(a) Collection of the facts to determine whether injustices have occured
(b) Negotiation
(c) Self-Purification
(d) Direct Action

Now doesn't it seem that many of our SO-CALLED black leaders today have forgotten these steps. Seems like Black Folks just wanna march before we even know the facts and have sat down at the table and exhausted every possibility for change within the system...And the most important STEP is "Self-Purification"....Before we as black folk can make any more demands of our government we've got to clean out the skeletons in our closet and get somewhere near the SAME PAGE. Considering the rampid homophobia and class warfare (*clears throat* Dr. Cosby) I do not think that we are equipped yet for another mass movement...Seems like Master Clinton and Bush let some Negroes in the big house and we are satisfied...Don't be fooled by the symbolic politics...Simply because these people are of our skin color does mean they operate in the best interests of our people...

These are just my ramdom thoughts and my informed opinions....I could be wrong...

Remember..Opinions are like ASSHOLES...Everybody has one and some are shittier than others...Of course, mine aren't shitty...lol..

peaceloveandeternity..

Quaheem

Tales of the Young & Passionless....

When I started this blog I made a vow to myself that I would tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth....

What I experienced last night was indeed a turning point in my life...a revelation of sorts...

As I returned home from dinner at a pretty classy Brazilian restaurant I plugged in my laptop and logged onto Yahoo messenger. I happened to see a person there who I hadn't spoken with in some months...We'll call him HartfordGuy...So I hit up HartfordGuy just to say what's up...and within the first 5 minutes of our conversation he proceeded to invite himself over. At first I declined; citing the fact that my place was a trainwreck and needed to be cleaned. He then said "Well you can clean it up...". So I proceeded to tell him to give me about an hour to tidy up and take a shower. An hour goes by and HartfordGuy calls and says that he is on his way. My place is clean and I am showered and dressed and he arrives...

Just to give you a better visual...HartfordGuy is about 5'10"-5'11"...nice thick and solid body..and he strongly resembles KOBE BRYANT...In my opinion he is just a beautiful specimen for a pair of eyes to behold.

So I lead him into my apartment...We chill out, talk, and flirt while watching South Park...We look at each other in between the awkward silences and we both kinda know what is going to happen...He begins rubbing my back, neck, and my ears (which happen to be my spot) and that basically gives me the green light...

So what happens..happens...(use your imagination)....One thing I will say is that we got to about 3rd base...And then it was over...As I began to tidy myself up a strange feeling of dissatisfaction came over me. I had something to say to him but I couldn't quite verbalize it...I couldn't look him in the eyes...I stuttered some of my words and mumbled incoherent phrases all in an attempt to explain to him how I was feeling. You see, it had been just about 4 months since I had been touched by ANYONE and over a year and 8 months since I have gone "ALL THE WAY" (and that record remains in tact) and I couldn't help but feel that perhaps sex was turning into a non-pleasurable experience for me....But then I thought some more and I figured out exactly what the problem was...

There was no connection between he and I...The kisses were not passionate and meaningful...the moans were simply sounds of carnal pleasure and NOT "sensually melodic"...I was not able to perform up to my true sexual abilities because I simply was not "IN" to him spiritually...Sure he is quite attractive...But I realized for the first time that attractiveness may get your dick hard but it does not satisfy your spirit...

I sat on the end of that bed feeling like I never wanted to have any kind of sexual contact of any kind..EVER again...I felt like a prude...I felt EMPTY..To have such a HEARTY sexual appetite but to simultaneously have ur conscience not allow to sit down and "feast" is both a blessing and a detriment I suppose...

As much as I have TRIED...And believe me I have...I cannot detach caring, sharing, love, and intimacy from the ACT of sex...

My orgasm last evening may have satisfied my biologically...but spiritually I felt like I lost another small piece of myself...Wasted my seed on a passionless conquest...

Maybe I am crazy.

Maybe I am not alone in feeling this way..

But until I find a righteous one...the RIGHT one...

I am seemingly young and passionless....

Jazz

"Jazz"
By: HX (yours truly)

Could u
turn up ur sexy
4 just a moment?
Cuz I feel
a sensual groove
comin on...

I feel it pulsating
with a fervid heat
I hear it snappin'
like
the underground beat

I feel it's dopeness
like 22 kisses
on the neck-just dope
And I just wanna swing
with u
in a smoky room
between heaven and doom...
Dreamin' 2 slide there
and electrify the blue.

I feel
the bang-bang emotions
that live
in the house of sin
and I can almost taste
the sweetness
of ur respiration
bouncing off my skin..
Dayum!!!
3 wishes come true
wrapped in2 1 u...
Excuse me
while I shed my cool
but the closeness of u
has overtaken me

I feel
the soulgasms
percolating
like gospel tambourines..
Beat me..
Over
and over
and over
and over again..
Follow
the divine rhythm
that is endless

Then
kiss these lips
and devestate
my constant
pitch black reality..
Let's girate
in synchronized motion
2 the
tick-tock tick-tock
of eternity

Simply put
ur love
is
marvelous
wonderful
beautiful
it's mmmm
it's ooooo
it's finger sucking
lip smacking
mouth watering
delicious

So..could u?
would u?
Please
turn up ur sexy?
Turn it all the way up
2 ten
Cuz I'm addicted
to the succulence
of ur existence

Baby I dig ur Jazz..
I dig ur sweet resistence.

Life

Life has a strange way of sneaking up on you and reminding you that perhaps you shouldn't be so comfortable...

After this long weekend I came to a hard, real, and somewhat painful realization that a particular chapter in my life is about to close...

When I left New Jersey and came to college in August of 1999 I was bright-eyed, eager, and passionate about the experience I was about to go thru...Those 4 years were some of the most transformative years of my life. I fell in love for the first and only time...I became more learned and cosmopolitan...I came to some serious conclusions about my sexuality...I challenged the administration to make the experience of students of color here more equitable and egalitarian as opposed to simply utilizing our OBVIOUS cultural difference for utilitarian means...I became an adult...I became a MAN...And then I was afforded the opportunity to stay here and work as a staff person and continue my "activism"...

God has been and will always be good to me...

I was able to find people who have become the family that I feel I have never had...People who tell me the truth...People who reserve judgement...People who ARE my friends and will be forever...

As I layed in bed this past weekend I came to the conclusion that to fight to stay here any longer would be delaying the inevitable: My return back to Jersey and, more importantly, back into my mother's home. This is what I have attempted to avoid for SO long but I think I have finally realized and paid closer attention to what God has been telling me thru the series of events that has transpired in my life over the course of the last 3 to 4 months...To get to the top sometimes we must take detours...So this is my commitment to myself....

This time next year I will have:

(1) Been accepted to a Masters program of my choice..Perhaps @ Temple, Columbia, or Ohio State

(2) Made a real commitment to my artistic self...singing, songwriting, & spoken word....

(3) Made it back on my own..

(4) Established a stronger realtionship with myself that is rooted in TRUST.

Life is not the 100 meter dash...It's a series of marathons...Only the spiritually fit will have the energy to compete....It's time to re-energize...

The "Thank You" Post

Thank You....

Thank You Mother for giving me the life that I've tried to give to the world...

Thank You "Lyrik" for being my first...The first one I loved...And the first one who broke my heart. Thank You for allowing me to love you....

Thank You Angel for violating something so sacred...

Thank You Yale, Penn, UMass, and UNC for the rejections...It's made me stronger...

Thank you Father for showing me how to NOT be a DADDY...

Thank you to every man that I waited up for and never called...

Thank you Nickole for being a friend even tho I haven't been the best one to you...

Thank you Carol for being you under every condition and for loving and respecting me unconditionally...

Thank You Lord Almighty for endowing me with a mind, a body, and a spirit. Thank you for the highs and the lows...the pains and the pleasures...the deaths and the re-births...the sunshine and the darkness...

Thank you God for the concept of PEACE...for without it there would be nothing to strive or live for...And thank you for the STRUGGLE that makes the arrival at PEACE so glorious...

Thank you...Thank you...Thank YOU...